Open Mic here at NPP has returned in the form of an Ask ____ entry. Obviously if you cannot tell, this comes straight from Joey or Joeyat75. He is very far out there in ways to get off sexually but dammit if it isn’t hilarious in the way he explains [Continue...]
Written by Stixx
So I rolled (lolphysiqueofthefuture) out of bed today at about 3pm, as I am wont to do. Had a brb smoke and grabbed a beer, thinking a piece of toast sounded good. I wandered toward the kitchen, stopping at the kitchen table to collect my forgotten poker winnings from last night. TWO DOLLAS MUTHAFUCKA~! Fixed the tablecloth as it had gotten somewhat rumpled during the previous night’s proceedings. I hate that shit. I’m a neat and tidy sort, so after straightening that up I decided to run the vacuum. I’m always reaching for that brass ring. Why is it brass? What sort of motivation is that supposed to be? Wouldn’t a gold ring really get people to go for the gusto?
It’d probably get stolen by ethnic people. [Continue...]
Secret Santa is always a fun concept, whether it’s with your family, with people from your office, or just with random people you only know over the internet. Over the years, we have had this event quite a few times, and always had great fun with it. I still remember my wifes face when she received a box full of about 60 jigsaw puzzles. Or ArkansasDudemans reaction to my box full of awesome stuff, including a jar of my own urine.
And who could forget the saga that was RiseBlueLion, which originally began when he wasn’t able to send out his secret santa gift.
I decided to do NPP’s first Secret Santa this year, and from all accounts it was a smashing success. Lots of drama, lots of arguments, lots of hatred – everything that Christmas truly represents. This is now the thread where you share what you received from your Secret Santa. If you can post pictures that would be awesome too.
I also ask if you haven’t received your gift yet – don’t shit up this thread. This is for posting what you received, and for discussions on what other peopler received. If you haven’t received anything yet please post in the NPP Secret Santa thread and I will start a status update list of people still waiting for gifts, and contact their Secret Santas.
And with that – open up your presents, and let’s see what the fuck random people from the internet bought for each other!
Manager Results
Scoring was generally lower Week 3, as you’d expect with 9 games instead of 10. The best performed manager was CliffX, whose Seeds of Hatred team managed exactly a century.
2nd for the week was Taff’s imaginary girlfriend Rach with 96 pts. She is the guest author of the latest edition of A View From The Manager.
Dirty Hun finished just 11th for the week, but with 78 points he wasn’t that far off the pace and is still 1st overall. However, his lead is just a solitary point from Hamass, while Slappy, Pete Moss, Rach, Tuch… actually I think the top 9 could all realistically jump to 1st with a good weekend. It’s that close!
Bender’s Offenders are 11th, not that close 
Kender’s Offenders are still in last place. I think Kender may have entered a random team and lucked out. Although with 35 weeks remaining there is plenty of time for Kender’s random selection to turn things around. Of for Kender to, you know, spent 10 minutes making some random substitutions and transfers.
Player Results
I find the fantasy site too difficult to trawl for stats – you can’t even view performance by week –so I lifted this from the weekly e-mail. Enjoy!
Buy! Buy! Buy!
In what was officially the craziest week in football since Spurs announced a desire to crack the Big Four, we’ve got a host of new players for you to tinker around with. Robinho is a snip at £8.1m, while Roman Pavlyuchenko is slightly less at £6.9m. And if you’re caught up in the credit crunch, how about Hull City’s new glamour boy, Daniel Cousin, at a fantasy friendly price of £4.8m?
Bye! Bye! Bye!
“It’s my opinion that a manager must have the right to manage and that clubs should not impose upon any manager, any player that he does not want.” Too right, Kev. Now’s the time to transfer Andriy Shevchenko, Didier Drogba and, erm, marvellous Marlon Harewood out of your squad. With a combined total of zilch points, even dear old Kevin Davies trumps the trio, currently on 28 points.
The Omen
David Healy has failed to score for his club on the past three occasions after returning (and scoring) for his country. Wigan away next Saturday may be a good time to rest the Northern Ireland striker.
Other
It’s a standard full round of fixtures following last weekend’s inactivity due to World Cup Qualifiers.
Don’t forget you can check injuries at http://www.physioroom.com/news/engli…jury_table.php
Also I don’t think I ever mentioned there are other prizes besides the crappy ones I’m offering. They are:
Guardian FF Champions 2008-09 (Most points over the season)
First place: £25,000
Second place: £10,000
Third place: £3,000
Manager of the Month (Most points every calendar month)
£1,000
Manager of the Week (Most points every game week)
A signed shirt of your favourite Premier League club
A View From A Manager
Perhaps this post will quash any theories that I actually exist as Taff’s girlfriend. And since he asked me nicely, I thought I’d enlighten you all with how I became (as of right now 5th) in the NPP Fantasy Football League.
Let’s get this out of the way; I don’t know jack about football. I don’t come from a sporting family and have never backed a team. If someone held a gun to my head and made me choose a club I’d quietly admit to being a Birmingham City supporter – being a Midlands girl – although the person holding the gun would eventually shoot me out of shame…you see, it turns out Birmingham City are a little bit shit. Needless to say, my knowledge of football (or soccer for some of you) is on a par with the Americans on here. Selfishly, I have confidence in the fact that someone might know less about this game than I do.
In spite of this, I was unusually excited to take part in these Fantasy Football shenanigans. I was even more excited to discover that I’m actually doing well. By doing well, I clearly mean beating all the people who follow football regularly, and took time and care over the team they picked.
So, what are my tactics? My strategies for winning? It’s quite simple; my initial team consisted purely of players I’ve heard of in the news, or those I like the name of. Not to mention, a few West Bromwich Albion players thrown in as subs in a dedication to the Homeland.
It was only this week that I discovered I actually have to keep on eye on my team, and make transfers for players who are a bit crap or find themselves injured. It was also only two days ago that I found out this is going to consume my life for a whole eight months, by which time I make no secret of the fact I’ll have probably lost interest. It’s already at a point where I only check on it when I receive an email reminder. This doesn’t bode well for the rest of the season.
However, once this came to realisation something clicked and I went into full Fantasy Football Manager mode. I listened intently as Taff shared his vast football knowledge. I then proceeded to ignore everything he said and went with my own instincts.
Since I don’t post on this forum and have no chance of actually winning a jersey (a fact I’m still quite bitter about), I felt no shame in stealing the players of those who are doing better than me. Think of it more as imitation being the best form of flattery. Taff told me the posters he would respect the decision of, and those he’d be embarrassed if I stole their ideas. From there, I took note of the players who might actually get me some points and keep me at least in the top five. Since my time is better spent keeping up with the latest happenings on PerezHilton.com or updating my Facebook status, I find half-inching the good ideas of other people much more beneficial.
I’ve made a couple of transfers since my first team. But don’t ask me who. Maybe it’s the thrifty person in me, but I also like to keep a few million in the bank for a rainy day.
Overall, I feel pretty confident with my current line up. I’ve got a few goodies in there, such as Frank Lampard, Jonathan Woodgate and David James and some who’ll probably be out on their ear in the next couple of weeks.
Being the good sportswoman that I am, I wish everyone good luck with their teams. Although naturally I hope I win so I can spend the rest of my days blowing raspberries at Taff…
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If youd like to make any changes to your team you can at this link. And if youd like to write next week, or any future weeks for the “View from the Manager” then send Taff or robelgordo a PM.
Bender @ Splendour
Splendour in the Grass is a music festival in Byron Bay. I went there. This is my story.
