The year was 2008. It was full of fail and yet also win. It saw a new president crowned and we all jizzed in our pants. Nerds swooned for Olivia Munn while Hole looked over his shoulder, asked his mother if he could swoon and was denied. We saw things like Mikey simply asking for a debate, a dude sitting his anal cavity onto a glass that ends up breaking, the US economy committing suicide, and also Heath Ledger committing some accidental suicide. This all leads into the annual best of movie lists to spring up here and there. But here at No Pants Provided we do things different. We also reward the horrible movies by shitting a brick on their face and jacking off on their pillow case. This is the top five best and worst movies of…2008!!!

We’re going to start out with the best in order to have the worst bring up the rear end. The top best is a very widespread mayhem of movies. In fact seven of the movies with positive votes were summer blockbuster hits. There were some films voted multiple times that did not get placed high enough in lists to make the top five. Also, one movie was a number one vote and didn’t get close to the top 5. So here I will give you the honorable mentions. 

In Bruges: voted twice, #4 and #5

Role Models: voted twice, #3 and #5

Get Smart: voted twice, #2 and #5

Tropic Thunder: voted thrice, #3, #3 and #5

Henry Poole Is Here: voted once, #1

Ok. Now that the close calls were given their time to shine it is now for the top 5 of the year. I went into this knowing the top 5 would have three movies in there for sure which realistically would leave two wild card spots open for business. But there was a snag early on as one of the assumed top 5 ended up as one of the first of the bottom 5. I almost gasped but then remembered there would be more lists. Overall, I am pleased with the top 5 as it really showcases the strong movies and yet – for the most part – they were big hits with the world. And here…we…C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!

Ryan Reynolds attempts to use Canadian charm to pick up Isla Fisher

5.  Definitely, Maybe (2 out of 9, 8 pts, #1 for Scotsman)

- One of two authentic rom-coms to actually make the list. The other would be Fool’s Gold which was voted #4 on Coolhandluke’s worst of list. Ryan Reynolds really does go out all out for rom-coms as his last effort Just Friends was also solid. I’m sure Skooch and Scots can tell you how heartwarming it as I have yet to see this.

“What’s a threesome?” “It’s a game, that adults play sometimes…when they’re bored.”

Brad Pitt playing dumb..

4. Burn After Reading (2 out of 9, 9 pts, #1 for Joey@75)

- A delightful confusion is the only way to sum up this movie. Narrowly missing my own list, Burn After Reading is a great story of how confused the world is and how truly out of the loop the government is.

“Osbourne Cox? I thought you might be worried…about the security…of your shit.”

EVA, WALL-E and a Zippo lighter.

3. Wall-E (4 out of 9, 12 pts, Coolhandluke at #1 best, Scotsman at #1 worst)

- WALL-E not only had to overcome the odds in the movie, he had to overcome the odds in this list as Scotsman makes this the only movie to have a #1 in best and worst. Quite a feat. Sometimes being cute isn’t always the answer.

“Eeeee…va?”

If this were a .gif, the world would explode behind Robert Downey, Jr.

2. Iron Man (5 out of 9, 17 pts, #1 for Hamass)

- The surprise of the year in many a eye, but when you have Robert Downey Jr. on the scene it should never be a surprise. Jon Favreau directed a rich-looking movie with dialogue seemingly perfect for Tony Stark.

“The truth is…I am Iron Man.”

Heath Ledger as The Joker

1. The Dark Knight (6 out of 9, 25 pts, four #1’s)

- Honestly this was a given. It was a juggernaut in the box office and everyone verbally blew Heath Ledger as he put in one of the more terrifyingly funny roles of the decade.

“I’m just a mad dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with it if I caught one.”

A very fine list but now it is time for the worst of the worst and the crap that is actually looked down upon by other crap. Now I received nine lists but one didn’t include a top 5 worst list. So we only have eight lists for this and that’s…okay.

Anyways, a total of 26 movies were listed as terrible this year.  Eight of those received #1 votes. Now that means any movie that was tied with another but had a #1 vote wins the tiebreaker and gets an extra point. Two movies had one vote but it was at #1 and they placed at a tie for #5 so they will start off the list.  Mariska Hargitay.

There's a whole lot of ugly in these two shots.

5. Killer Pad (Joey@75’s #1) and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (Ormie’s #1)

- Robert Englund and Uwe Boll manage to get into the top 5. This is Freddy’s first dip into directing since 1989 and Uwe Boll just sucks. I expected Uwe Boll on this list so hooray. And now to combine two quotes into one.

“The hellacious stench, the ungodly heat, the forbidden fruit. I know what did this. Sacrilage! This is madness, Gallian! You go too far!”

And Jesus Christ rolls over in His grave.

4. Wanted (2 out of 8, -6 points, Skooch at #2)

- Grossing $342 million worldwide and having a 73% on Rotten Tomatoes, Wanted jumps onto our worst list. Joey said it was an overwrought, overbudgeted Hollywood cliche ride and Skoochy said it was felt like it was trying to be a mash up of Office Space, Fight Club and Shoot ‘Em Up with none of the charm. Hey, you can see Angelina Jolie’s booty though.

“Oh my God! Oh my God! What the fuck just happened?”

Slightly less homo-erotic than 300

3. Meet The Spartans (2 out of 8, -7 pts, Ormie at #2)

- Seriously a very horrible movie. I couldn’t even finish this. The link above is a review that says it’s mindless fun. It’s not even mindless fun. It’s fun if you consider cutting the head of your dick off.

“We may have won the battle, But they will win the war!”

A group of cardboard cut-outs

2. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2 out of 8, -8 pts, Kender at #1)

- I’ve linked Lazy Sunday for all of you. I don’t think Narnia is going to live up to the rap…ever. I have never seen or read any of this mess. LION JESUS!!! 

“This way for your num-nums.” “That’s what she said.”

Fuck you, Mike Myers.

1. The Love Guru (6 out of 8 lists, -26 pts, 4 at #1)

- The worst movie of 2008 folks. Worse than Juice’s World giving Osiris a dutch rudder. Worse than the Ormie Comix thread. Worse than my mother’s vagina…The Love Guru!!! Written by Mike Myers and…Graham Gordy. Graham Gordy has only written one other movie than this, War Eagle, Arkansas. It’s a drama. He also was born and raised in Conway, Arkansas. Really shows you the depth of Arkansas humor. Everyone I know in Arkansas likes this and I cry every time. It’s seriously one of the most uninteresting movies ever. It makes a Vin Diesel movie seem competent.

“If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your Uncle jack off an elephant?”

And that sums up the Top 5 Best and Worst of 2008. Thank you to the eight others who submitted lists for this and that’s probably the least amount sent in for lists out of anything we’ve run here.

But I’ll be back…I ALWAYS COME BACK!!!